I’m always have this feeling, feeling insecurity that i know for sure right now what i need is a partner for love for care and remove this feeling of loneliness, but now i’m pretty sure if i am unhappy.
I always be unless that feeling can be addressed and changed from the inside. This summary is very inspiring and enlighten me, written by Sarah Clark from quora:
How do I tell my husband, my best friend and bedmate for the last 25 years, my first love in college, that I am no longer in love with him?
“I’m gonna tell you something, and I never want you to forget it. Four very important words, words that I suggest you go so far as to live by. Ready? Here goes:
Love is a choice.
That’s right. It’s not a pit that you fall into. It’s not a fire that you stoke. It’s a decision you make. Don’t go thinking it’s a one-time decision either, it’s one you have to get up and make every morning. It’s a commitment, and it does take strength, but it’s worth it.
If you think you no longer “love” this person, you are probably confusing Love with passion. Passion is the pit that you fall into, the fire that gets kindled and rekindled. This mistake is painfully common. Personally, I blame romantic movies. They give people some incredibly unrealistic expectations and commonly use the word “Love” to describe passion, sexual attraction, emotions, and seemingly anything and everything but actual Love. But just to be clear, passion and Love are two very different things.
Passion is what makes you look at him in awe, it’s what attracts you to him, what gives you butterflies, it’s all the feel-good that people lust after in a relationship. Like lots of things that feel good, however, it is dangerous, addictive, fleeting, and should be enjoyed with caution. It is intense, but often fleeting, and lacks the steadiness and relentless endurance of Love.
Love is what empowers you to work for your relationship, instead of expecting it to come easily. It’s what keeps you up for hours on end holding him when he’s overwhelmed and inconsolable. It’s what allows him to help you navigate through the clusterfuck of emotions you feel transitioning to a new job or environment, even though in the moment you are not any kind of fun or exciting to be around.
It’s the reason parents care for their infant children, even though practically speaking, the child is nothing but a burden to them physically, emotionally, mentally, and financially.
It’s the reason this man gets up every day to dress and take care of his wife, even though she doesn’t even remember his name. Love, not this romanticized notion of a fiery fleeting passion, but real, true, enduring Love, is security. It’s the only thing that has the power to make a relationship last.
The minute you begin to confuse the two is the minute your relationship (and in some ways your life, since all different kinds of relationships will be strong influencers in your life) hears its death sentence.
If you forsake years of enduring Love for a momentary lack of passion, you will look upon it with regret for the rest of your life. Don’t want to hear it from a 19 year old? Ask someone who’s been there. See how they are doing now.
Mistaking passion for Love is the reason so many relationships fail today, the reason so many children grow up in broken families, often making the same mistakes as their parents with the very same misconceptions.
I want to encourage you to be part of the solution, not the problem. Choose to Love your husband. You’ll be glad you did.”